I don't know how other people can take this feeling. How can they survive feeling like this? Everytime I hear the name, say the name, read the name, I cringe, cold air shivers through my spine, my head goes blank, no, not blank, filled with thoughts of the owner of the name... tears run down my cheeks, my throat tightens, my lungs feel like they're filled with ice cold water, my stomach churns slowly but surely,my knees go weak, my hands grow cold. I want to run, I want to flee, I want to hide myself inside a cave, under the bed, under the table, anywhere, anywhere the owner of the name don't exist. Maybe another world, is there another world same as this but without the owner of the name. That name is my worst fear, no, not the name, the owner of the name, just the thought of it makes me shiver, I'm frightened, I'm scared, I'm sad, I'm lonely and depressed. How can one name affect me like this? How can other people take this? Do they feel the same? What should I do about it? How can I survive this?
I fear all the things the name can do, the name can make me cry, the name can keep me from my dreams, the name can make me insane, the name can ruin my life. The one I most love, the name can take it. The dream I work for, the name can ruin it. The fuel that keeps me burning, the name can drain all of it. The name is perfect, unlike me, filled with flaws I can't reverse. The name is flawless, the name is powerful, I'm weak. One right word from the name's mouth can kill me in an instant, no, not physically; emotionally, mentally, the name can rip my soul apart, the name can destroy everything I have. One right word from the name's mouth can make me regret that I'm alive. One right word from the name and I'll wish I'm just dead. One right word from the name and everything stops. All I can do is pray, pray from the bottom of my heart, pray with all of my soul that the name never utters the right words to ruin me.
Is it irrational to fear the name? Is it silly to cry and feel cold and sad hearing the name? Is it irrational to fear the only name that can ruin my whole existence? Tell me why is it irrational you think? why?