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Deviant for 8 Years
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Stars by cessie23
"And it felt like all the stars in the sky started to breathe within my soul and stirred the walls I put up to shine brighter and make way for love again."

It's okay, I'm not gonna choose me either by cessie23
It's okay, I'm not gonna choose me either
"The curse of Shakespearean circumstances

Coursing through your veins.

Does it keep you up at night? 
Does it burn through your brain?
Does it bother you?
Does it keep you asking,
"Is this really what I need?"

Do. Don't. Start. Stop. Wait. Leave. Stay.


Do. Don't. Start. Stop. Wait. Leave. Stay.



Colored pencils on 9"x12" sketchpad
I dreamt a dream.
In it you were there,
Sitting in the sofa, staring me in the face
And me, I was staring back,
We were holding each others face,
Memorizing every detail,
Lips, eyes, nose every hair on your skin
The way your mouth opens when you speak my name
The way your pupils dilate as you look at me
The way your hands touch my cheeks
And you were staring,
As if never wanting me to go.
But as I memorize you,
All the feelings in your eyes seem to slowly fade away.
I stared at your eyes one last time,
And i saw nothing...
And then i knew it's time.
I said goodbye.
And when i did, you faded,
You disappeared like you never existed.
I looked at my palms and I saw nothing.
I held nothing, not even a speck of your magic dust.
I woke up and i knew that meant something.
Now before I sleep again,
I found out what it meant.
And I know that it was myself preparing me for this moment
The moment you completely fade away
I never got to say goodbye.
But at least in my dream, I did.
At least in my dream, I memorized you.
At least in my dream I saw you, stared at you, heard you.
And now you're just a memory etched into my soul.
It's a pain.
I want to say, one last time...
When all you remember is being afraid
and then something happens
It turns your mind around,
it hurt, yes it hurt.
"You lost everything because of everything you did"
They were only words
But it hurt a lot
You lost all you thought you had
It hurt like hell broke lose on your heart
It hurt but the pain woke you up.
It woke you up from the fear
And the fear becomes nothing.
You just catch yourself laughing
You laughed so hard
Laughed at all the silly stupid things you did
Laughed at yourself because you were so afraid.
And it turned out that the pain that woke you up only happened because you were so afraid.
And you lost the things you lost because of all you did when you're afraid.
And then you know.
You know what happened.
So you laughed again.
Because you saw before you everything you had before you were so afraid.
It seems you didn't lose everything,
And the ones you lost are not lost.
And now you're back.
And it's all yours for the taking.
And you laughed again.
  • Listening to: kiss [boa]
I don't know how other people can take this feeling. How can they survive feeling like this? Everytime I hear the name, say the name, read the name, I cringe, cold air shivers through my spine, my head goes blank, no, not blank, filled with thoughts of the owner of the name... tears run down my cheeks, my throat tightens, my lungs feel like they're filled with ice cold water, my stomach churns slowly but surely,my knees go weak, my hands grow cold. I want to run, I want to flee, I want to hide myself inside a cave, under the bed, under the table, anywhere, anywhere the owner of the name don't exist. Maybe another world, is there another world same as this but without the owner of the name. That name is my worst fear, no, not the name, the owner of the name, just the thought of it makes me shiver, I'm frightened, I'm scared, I'm sad, I'm lonely and depressed. How can one name affect me like this? How can other people take this? Do they feel the same? What should I do about it? How can I survive this?

I fear all the things the name can do, the name can make me cry, the name can keep me from my dreams, the name can make me insane, the name can ruin my life. The one I most love, the name can take it. The dream I work for, the name can ruin it. The fuel that keeps me burning, the name can drain all of it. The name is perfect, unlike me, filled with flaws I can't reverse. The name is flawless, the name is powerful, I'm weak. One right word from the name's mouth can kill me in an instant, no, not physically; emotionally, mentally, the name can rip my soul apart, the name can destroy everything I have. One right word from the name's mouth can make me regret that I'm alive. One right word from the name and I'll wish I'm just dead. One right word from the name and everything stops. All I can do is pray, pray from the bottom of my heart, pray with all of my soul that the name never utters the right words to ruin me.

Is it irrational to fear the name? Is it silly to cry and feel cold and sad hearing the name? Is it irrational to fear the only name that can ruin my whole existence? Tell me why is it irrational you think? why?


cessie23's Profile Picture
Artist | Hobbyist | Varied
Current Residence: 57th star
Favourite genre of music: good music is good music, genre's not a question :)
Favourite photographer: My sister
Favourite style of art: Realism, Surrealism
Personal Quote: all you ever need in life is to stay alive

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KellyZak Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2012
Thanks for the fav!

Acaaaa Featured By Owner Sep 14, 2012
Happy Birthday! :iconringoissuperhappyplz:
cessie23 Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
thank you, you're so sweet :)
JomanMercado Featured By Owner Sep 14, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
happy birthday! :D
cessie23 Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
thank you dear :)
likeLucy Featured By Owner Sep 11, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Hi love. Thank you so much for all your support! I love you!!! :D
DevIsJule Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2012
thx 4 the llama <3
likeLucy Featured By Owner Jun 16, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
GoldenDragonSlayer Featured By Owner May 24, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thanks for the :iconfavplz:
JAYSMILES23 Featured By Owner May 24, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
Thank you very much for the fav :aww:
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